The restaurant fills with anticipation as Sarah Brown, accompanied by Andy Williamson, enters the room. She set the tone for world-famous hospitality when in 1832 she and her husband James bought an established lodging house and renamed it Brown’s. Under her watch, the hotel became a favourite for aristocrats, royalty, and celebrities.

Sarah’s cordiality is perfectly complemented by the service at Charlie’s, where Adam Byatt’s ‘classic British with a modern twist’ menu awaits this extraordinary party. Franklin Roosevelt arrives, charismatic on a John Smith & Sons Acacia Derby cane. He last visited Brown’s for the first portion of his European honeymoon in 1905. His wife Eleanor later recorded in her autobiography that they were given the Royal Suite ‘with a sitting room so large that I could not find anything that I put down’.

Next to come jostling through the door are the enigmatic director and raconteur, Orson Welles, and humorist Mark Twain, who lived in and loved London. Married to Rita Hayworth, a socialite with British ancestry, Welles’ connection to the city is vast. His oft-hailed ‘greatest movie of all time’ Citizen Kane premiered here in 1941, and he later starred in his own staging of Othello at the St James’s Theatre in 1951. Famously outspoken, his very presence promises to keep the dinner party on its toes.

Last through the door is Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands, fashionably late and making quite the impression with her regal poise and natural air of authority. Seated beside Roosevelt, the two engage in spirited conversation about governance and diplomacy. As the longest reigning monarch in Dutch history after ascending to the throne aged 10, Wilhelmina was a wise head on young shoulders when she visited Brown’s as a teenager in 1895. Never one to suffer fools - indeed she was once satirically identified by Winston Churchill as being ‘the only man in the Dutch government’ - she easily holds court at the table. 

Churchill was full of compliments for Roosevelt too, saying that meeting him ‘was like opening your first bottle of Champagne; knowing him was like drinking it’. A skilled conversationalist, Roosevelt – America’s longest-serving President – jokingly reminisces on flunking college and barely scraping his bar examination, before realising he was better suited to politics. 

With no subject matter off the menu, conversation spans politics, film and literature, our fantasy guests transcending time and space with their lively discussions. Twain uproariously recounts the day in 1907 when he made headlines in the New York Times - specifically ‘TWAIN STARTLES LONDON’ - having ventured from Brown’s to the Bath Club on Dover Street wearing ‘a blue bathrobe and slippers, with about three inches of bare leg showing’.

Dinner concluded, the lively party moves to Donovan Bar for a nightcap where Welles, known for his unruly personality and refined palate, splashes out on Salvatore Calabrese’s £5,500 whiskey cocktail, whose ingredients are more vintage than even Welles himself.

After an evening of glorious entertainment, our guests are poised for bed. Welles checks into the Sir Paul Smith Suite, inspired to pen his next film beside the stripy fireplace. Wilhelmina resides in our exquisitely appointed Deluxe Suite, in a king-sized bed fit for a larger-than-life queen. Mark Twain is discreetly tucked into a taxi by John Thompson, Mayfair’s Doorman of the Year. Satisfied that each guest is happy and fulfilled, Sarah Brown retires to her eponymous suite, as at home as she ever was in the place to which she devoted a lifetime of service.

And Andy Williamson, reflecting on his dream dinner party, quietly leaves the storied hotel with more than enough material for his next book.

Who will be your fantasy dinner party guests? You’ll find many inspiring figures to choose from in Andy Williamson’s book, which you can purchase here.